I traded in frequent flyer miles to get to Alaska. It was double the normal rate for miles… mine at 50K and not just 25K which allows me to fly anytime, anywhere, and apparently it allows me to control the weather.
It is a very powerful ability, this weather controlling. To make the sun appear on command and rain when I need it to.
The weather was crappy before I got here and the sun came out as soon as I arrived in Alaska. It’s been warm. Sunny. Blue skies. I am impressed with my skills. I can even make the sun appear by sitting near a window. I am that good.
My cousin had told me that while I was here he was going to need to do some work. And at a same time a client had contacted me asking if I could freelance for a day and a half. Their deadline was right when Jason needed to work so I thought, why not? But I didn’t want to be working and thinking ‘I could be kayaking right now.’ Or ‘I could be hiking’. So yesterday, I made it rain. And I did the same today.
Yesterday consisted of working from a cafe that offered free wifi. The food was bad but I got work done. And then things took off and got exciting. Jason took me to get the emissions tested on his Jeep. And then we went to a tuxedo shop so he could get fitted for his friends wedding next month. We also stopped in the Anchorage Sausage and Seafood to get pricing on fish. Even though it’s caught and packed here, it’s still pricey. I wanted to bring fish back home but I am stopping in San Francisco for a few days before I head back to Miami. The young woman at Anchorage Sausage and Seafood said it wouldn’t be a problem. I just need to stop in the day before I leave, pick up the fish, freeze it and pack it in my suitcase with some frozen gel packs. Frozen fish in my packed luggage? I asked won’t everything smell like fish and she said no it’s all vacuum packed and it will be frozen so it won’t smell. We price shop at another establishment and at this point I am unable to remember what costs what.
We leave and I begin to strategize a way to transport the fish. I say to Jason, “What if I freeze the fish, and ice packs and pack that in my carry on?” Jason warns that I might not be able to bring ice packs on board. I ask why not and he says because you can’t bring liquids on at that size. Now throughout the trip, trying to be all lawyerly, I have often cited precedence in a the ruling of Finver v. State which used the “Nu-uh” defense. It is widely respected in esteemed legal circles. Jason generally counters with precedence in the Jason B. v. State “Yuh-huh” defense (which is very similar to an insanity defense but so much harder to prove in a court of law. You need a really good shrink to distinguish the subtle nuances.) So in my head I am thinking Jody F. v. State and I say, “OK, gel packs I understand, but ice? Ice is not a liquid. It’s a solid. By it’s very definition it’s water in a solid phase. It has the potential to become liquid at a given time given the right temperature, but it’s a solid.” ( I think to myself Mr. Shelhammer, my 10th grade chemistry teacher, was a schmuck but he’d be proud. My command of general science makes me feel rather superior at this moment.) Jason allows me to finish my argument and I think is a bit impressed with my oratory skills but responds with, ” Even so, do you really think that the person working airport security knows the difference between solid and liquid, and do you really want to take that risk when you are trying go catch a red-eye and you have 2 pounds of frozen smoked fish sticking out of your backpack?”
Touché, Pussy Cat. Touché.
{Parenthetical aside to be read in a stage whisper} Jason, for the record, insists he knows the difference between liquid and solid. He claims he thought I meant gel packs and says that when people say ice packs or ice bricks that he thinks gel packs. I have diagnosed him with a medical problem common in males his age: Nolistenitis. Sadly, nolistenitis only worsens over time, especially under the duress of marriage. I consider buying him BellTone hearing aids but then I picture our Uncle Stanley. He just turns them off when he doesn’t want to listen. Severe nolistenitis.
The case of the frozen fish has yet to be resolved. Stay tuned. Tuesday concluded with Jason’s friend Mara coming over for NY style pizza and we watched crap tv. No wonder Scott Baio is 45 and still single. He’s an ass.
So today Jason went into the office and I worked from home. The weather was dismal and I put the heat on – not realizing my own strength – (note to self, make temperature warmer) Jason was complaining that the weather sucked but I said, “Hey, that was all me. I need to concentrate and you need to work.”
He brought home soup for lunch and left to go back to work. His roommate Justin is working from home and just checked his credit score after seven years and is all smiles. And so am I. I finished my work. The rain has stopped. The sun is coming out. Damn, I’m good. I mean really, really good.
